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CHANNELING ELVIS: ORANGE HAWAII
Dear Amelia, It’s only two more sleeps until G Day and I won’t lie to you, I’m feeling nervous. But that’s hardly surprising seeing as I’ll be lying on a table, half-naked and unconscious, and there’ll...
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CHANNELING ELVIS: LIKE, FOR REAL
Dear Amelia, The good news is that I’m not on the drug that killed River Phoenix. The other news is that I’m on the drug that killed Heath Ledger. Well, one of the drugs. And I’m not taking it anymore...
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LIFE ON MARS
Dear Amelia, Here at party central I’ve been watching the bruises on my stomach turn yellow and prodding the stitched-up bits to see how much they still hurt. The answer is, “Not much,” which is great...
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PULITZER PIES: CHICKEN, BACON AND MUSHROOM PIE
Dear Amelia, I know. Another Chocolate Malteser Cake. But in my defence: 1. You LOVED it. 2. It seemed fitting that your second birthday should be celebrated with the same cake I baked for your Great...
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NOT HAPPY, MITT
Dear Amelia, By the time you’re 35 and reading this blog, you’ll be judging Barack Obama via the history books. But here’s some news from the here and now: Barack won a second term as President of the...
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CHANNELING MOSES: STRAWBERRY SANTA HATS
Dear Amelia, You know that Christmas is just around the corner when the Innovations catalogue arrives in your mailbox. I love the Innovations catalogue. So much crap, so little time, so many...
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A PELICAN, A DOG AND AN APPLE CAKE
Dear Amelia, Ella took a direct hit this morning from a pelican sitting on a lamp post. Your Grandpa was walking her down at Emu Point and before he could say holy birdshit, it was all over red rover...
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GOOD KING WENCESLAS GOES CHRISTMAS SHOPPING
Dear Amelia, The photos at the top of this blog are of the first two Christmas stamps ever released in Britain. I’ve got both of them in my trusty Pelham Junior Stamp Album, which was given to me by my...
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CHANNELING ELVIS: RUDOLPH CUPCAKES
Dear Amelia, Here in the town that time forgot we’ve been partying like it was 1989 except without Roxette and the B-52s. Last Saturday night we went to the annual Christmas pageant and it was...
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BLACK CATS, YO-YOS AND POACHED BUMTCHOONTH
Dear Amelia, I once read in a Barbara Vine novel – can’t remember which one – that being superstitious means you’re lower class. I suppose we should take it as read, then, that the Queen never passed...
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